Need to Blog

At 7:05am, it was on my heart to blog.

It's been a while since I've crafted a post this early in the morning. Anyone who knows me will tell you I'm not a morning person. But...it's been way to long. And I miss having an outlet on which to let my thoughts be free. So, I logged in and started typing.


Interestingly enough, this post doesn't have a specific topic. My mind is all over the place: excited the Washington Redskins won! Pissed the Carolina Panthers lost. Looking forward to fall, but not the cold weather. (I HATE cold weather!) I've been to three weddings in the last four weeks--brutal! Not a good look for one's wallet. I had an amazing summer of travel for work. I went to LA, Chicago and Charlotte. Love all those places dearly and could definitely make one my home if the opportunity presented itself.


I've been amazed at how in tune with myself I've been over the last year. Just re-reading the above paragraph made me look how definitive I am with things. A few years ago, I would have been far from that. Things are much more black & white. I guess it comes with getting older right? (saving that for another post)


However you sum it up, I like it. I like being able to say what I feel without the obligation of justification.

It's simply how I feel.

Stronger

Have you ever been so wrought with emotion that you couldn't even speak? And I'm not talking that momentary kind where you're just upset that something didn't go your way. I mean true, raw emotion that leaves you speechless. In place of words...maybe tears...or laughter...or love...or anger...or happiness...or sadness? The kind that develops in the moment you realize you're in love. Or when someone you love for dies. Or when someone you thought was a true friend betrays you. Or when your best friend says something that makes you laugh until you can't breathe...the kind of laughter that heals your soul.

I recently experienced that kind of emotion.

I didn't even realize the moment was happening until I realized my face was wet. It brought me to tears. Not tears of sadness. Tears of appreciation. There are times that you don't realize how much someone or something means to you until stop and really look at it.

I'm beginning to believe my spirit is healing. My ability to feel and embrace emotion is coming back. The indifference and wall I had built put up to protect myself is beginning to crumble.

Each day, I'm growing stronger and more confident in who I am and what my purpose is.

I can't take all the credit. I've been blessed with an amazing source of encouragement, inspiration, support and love.

I hope I don't lose it any time soon.

How...When...?

How do you know it's time to move on? From a job? A person? A relationship?

How do you know that enough is enough?

How do you know you're meant to spend the rest of you life with someone? Is it a feeling? Something they say or do?

How do you know you're not in love with someone any more?

When do you know it's the right time to pass gas in front of your boo?

How do you you know it's the right time to tell someone you love them?

How do you know the best is yet to come? Especially when things are good as they are?

When do you know it's the right time to let go?

How do you know if people really have your best interest at heart?

When do you know you need to leave well enough alone?

How do you know when to tell someone you think they are making a big mistake?

When do you know it's time to stop letting other people control your life...emotions...decisions?

How do you really know that joy will come in morning?

How do you know it's time to admit you're wrong?

How do you know that just being yourself is enough?

That's What Friends are For...

Friendship is a priceless jewel.

Over the weekend, I spent time with a good friend of mine as part of her birthday festivities. We had wine and appetizers at a nice Italian restaurant Friday night, I took her to the spa for mani/pedi's on Saturday, followed by a quick run to a quaint "trinket" shop to browse for a bracelet we've both been eyeing. On our way into the shop, we were chatting away as usual and she reached out to give me a hug.

Pause.

Now- my friend is a really great person. She's smart, pretty, a good listener, and would give you the shirt off her back...literally. She's very weird and crazy in her own way...but being friends with her is easy and never dull. We get along very well.

Now, when she reached out to give me a hug along with a "thank you for being so sweet...giving me your time..." message, I told her not to hug me. I reminded her it was her birthday weekend and our plans included "friend time." After we left the trinket shop, I thought about my gesture. Had she understood where I was coming from? Did she take offense? To gain some clarity, I called her and explained that she didn't need to thank me. This is what friends do...and I know that if the tables were turned she would have done the same for me. She came back with she appreciated me and didn't want me to think she was monopolizing all my time. I didn't see it that way at all! It had been at least two weeks since I'd seen her and we were long overdue for girl time.

Later that evening as we were rounding out birthday festivities at one of our favorite lounges, she told me that she wasn't used to having friends who put her before other priorities, i.e., boyfriends/relationships, work, and other life vices. She was always adjusting to them instead of them cutting her some slack.

Last time I checked, friendship was a two-way street.

I responded by reminding her that when appropriate friends/boyfriends, family or whatever could always be considered. That time is ours and we can spend it however we like. Unless it's a major emergency, everything else can wait. Many things come and go, but time with family and friends is priceless.

I'm just happy to be a positive part of her life. After all, isn't that what friends are for?

I Have no Words...?

I'm sitting here with an interesting case of writer's block, if you will. It's funny, there are times I've sat down to blog and had to taper my candor. There are times I've blogged and then deleted the post; I only need to type feverishly and get frustrations out. Sometimes, I browse the blogs of others to get a little motivation. But today, at this very minute...I'm at a loss for words.

That's something for me, because I can be a "chatty Kathy" at times. Even when I'm just listening to something, I'm always thinking, studying, processing. I have trouble sleeping at night because my mind is racing with random things: song lyrics, my agenda for the next day, how my momma is doing...any thing! It's the same when I wake up too. My mind is constantly in motion.

I find it all too funny when I sit down to blog, I have nothing to say (type). Lol, by reading this post, you'd think otherwise. Ah well, I'll make my way back when I have something of substance to share....

"Wii Wrist"

You've heard the terms "tennis elbow" or "swimmers ear"? Well, I don't have either one of those, but I do have a severe case of "Wii wrist".

What, may you ask, is Wii wrist?

Wii wrist: when an individual partakes in the playing the Wii for such an extended period of time that the muscles of the forearm and around the wrist become inflamed and tender due to repetitive motion.

In lay terms, I've been getting my Wii on and now I'm paying for it. My arms is so sore! This is in addition to my daily workouts and teaching classes at work. Throw in typing emails and other activities of daily living and !- Wii wrist.

Here's the deal: the Wii was a gift for Jesus' birthday. Since it's been hooked up, I've been playing like crazy. It's my new favorite friend! Anyway, Saturday night I got it in- 3 hours to be exact. The cause of all my trouble: Wii Sports Resort. 12 games, everything from basketball to archery. I PLAYED EVERY GAME THEY HAD! Maybe not a bright idea, but I had a great time! I took Sunday off, but played for an hour last night when I should have been in bed. This morning my arm hurt something fierce! I let the massage therapist get at it for about 10 minutes--can we say OUCH?! She dug into my arm like she was mad at me. After I'd had all the rubbing I could stand, she told me to take a break from the Wii to let my arm rest.

WHAT?!

I know it's my own fault...but I LOVE my Wii. It's fun, and the time really does get away from you. And when you're playing against someone?! Forget it. You're talking trash, getting excited, trying to win and next thing you know your whole life has passed you by. Or in my case, you end up with a wrist on strike.

For the sake of my wrist, I'm going to behave and not play today.

Wonder how fast I can learn to play left-handed...

Sleepy Monday

True story: I'm crazy tired. At this very minute, my eyelids are so heavy with sleep I can barely tell you my name. You know that song "Get Silly"? That's me...silly with sleep.

Yesterday, I took a nap somewhere around the end of the Vikings/Giants game and woke up during the second quarter of the Eagles/Cowboys game. *Sidebar: big ups to the Vikings and 'dem Boys on some nasty shut-outs.* Wasn't down too long...maybe 90 minutes. That must have done me in cuz I didn't hit the sheets until about 11:30 and my eyes didn't officially close until close to 1am.

My alarm went off at 6:20am for a 7am start to my day.

What's more- it's a Monday. The first real working day post holiday season.

This may be the worst day of the year.

Everyone is dragging in after staying up late, sleeping in and eating everything in sight over the last two weeks. No one really wants to be here and everyone is trying to "look" busy to survive. It's a game really, a sick game. Who can make it until (insert time you get off) PM? The clock is laughing at me. At least there's some light at the end of my tunnel. I have to teach a Kickboxing and Resistance Ball class from 12-1. Let's hope that perks me up.

Maybe I should get regular coffee instead of decaf.

Anyone else having a sleepy Monday?

Inhale...

2010 has arrived.

Where did 2009 go?

I've spent some time reflecting on last year. All the things I've experienced, decisions I've made, and most important, what's to come.

2009 met me with challenges head on. I daily looked at myself in the mirror and questioned who I was, what I was doing, and why. I haven't felt this much discomfort since 2005 when I decided to leave my comfort zone of family and friends to try my hand at the real world. Up until last year, I think I was doing pretty well. But just as the sun rises and sets, everything doesn't go as planned.

I made some choices that led to tears, questions, my self esteem being lower than low, and plenty of sleepless nights. It's amazing how things change for the good and the bad and you have no idea they will affect you the way they do. It took a long time for me to come to a place where I could see the faint light at the end of the tunnel. The saying "weeping endures for a night, but joy comes in the morning" is an understatement for me. There were days when I felt joy was a pipe dream. Only good people have joy. I believed I wasn't a good person.

But, time heals all wounds.

Don't get it twisted-I'm still licking a few and nursing some bruises. Only they are not as severe as they were. Time has helped me deal with myself. Time has reminded me that life goes on. Time has taught me that not everyone is going to love you, like you, or the things you do. Time has reminded me that at the end of the day, what counts is how you respond to your circumstances. Time (along with good friends, family, and wine) have helped me cope with my emotions. And believe me, they needed it.

So what's on tap for 2010? Who's to say? I'm a person who likes to plan; knowing allows me prep for any speed bumps. God is constantly reminding me that that is NOT my job. It's HIS. So I'm learning to take everything as it comes. When the moment is over, it's over. No need to dwell on it. Keep focusing on the prize and and allow my steps to be ordered. My 2010 will be about controlling what I can and allowing Him to to the rest.

A few thank yous are deserved. To Sid: Thank you for listening endlessly and without judgement. You, of all people know me inside and out. For supporting me. For loving me. You are my sister for life.

To my Adam: thank you for your countless hours of counseling and advice. Even through your own trials and tribulations you found it not robbery to be there for me and mine. All my love until we're called to rest.

To my sister from another mother: thank you for laughs, late nights filled with wine, Nurse Jackie, and True Blood. You were helping me heal without even knowing it.

Finally, to the Magnificent: for your patience and support and I am forever grateful. When I was discouraged, confused and sad you reminded me that this was just a hurdle in the game of life. You helped me laugh and smile when I didn't think I could. Your perspective and insight was so valuable. From start to finish...just you and me.

In the words of my BFF, "banging the gavel in 2010!"

Breathing may get easier yet....

Oxygen Deprived

My how time flies when you're having fun.

Or living life.

Life. It's a funny thing you know. Everyday is different, new, easy, challenging, happy, sad, tiring and uplifting. And yet, we move forward day by day living, learning, and basically trying to stay afloat.

I can honestly say I've been sitting at the bottom of the river for a long time.

Somehow, I've managed to make it to the surface and float. Not without swallowing a lot of water along the way. Painful.

But...I'm still here. Weak, tired, but spirit in tact in willing.

I admit, I have no idea how I got back to the surface. Must have had some good people praying for me. Whoever you are, I love you for that.

Not breathing easy, but no longer oxygen deprived.

Man Up(stairs)

A few weeks ago, a friend of mine stepped to me with some "real life shit." He let me in on the fact that a young lady he'd been "kicking it" with was pregnant.


Hold the phone.


I'm not one to judge. Life sometimes gives you lemons and you have to find a way to make lemonade. But I will admit that I wasn't expecting him to say this.


This brother is a good dude. College-educated. Good values. Has all his teeth. Speaks clearly, and in complete sentences, may I add. Likes to have fun. Basically, just trying to live like the rest of us.


And now, in the midst of trying to get his life in order, he gets hit with this.

He told me he has no idea what to do. He's had a million thoughts in his head about what his next move should be. He wants to do what's right....even if that's right in the midst of him getting his game up to make moves.

So when he stepped to me and asked what I thought...for a split second, I was perplexed. I wanted to be sensitive to his situation, but be real with him at the same time. I told him that the Man Upstairs has a way of getting our attention when He wants it. Sometimes, life's most rewarding moments come from the most difficult experiences. At times, He's speaking to us and we aren't listening to Him; so instead we go with the counsel of friends or with our own reasoning. So when we do that, He lets us get to a place where we have no choice but to turn to Him for help. It is only when we're in the belly of the whale or the lion's den that we have no choice but to let Him order our steps.

I encouraged him to pray and be about the business of listening....really listening. His will will never take your farther than his grace will protect you.

I also told him he'd be a pretty cool dad...

My Muse

"Inspiration comes in the strangest light"-Floetry

This quote 100% describes me at this very moment. Isn't it amazing how a sound, a smell, a song, or a person can have such a fierce impact on you? I find that fact quite fascinating.

Case in point:

My BFF is in town for the week. She happily (I hope) gave up her spring break to come spend time with me. Mind you, she left beautiful 82-degree North Carolina weather only to arrive in 36-degree, rainy/snowy New England. Her dog, our friends, and a very nice young man patiently await her arrival back on Saturday, but until then I have her all to myself. I can't begin to describe how good it feels to have her here; someone who knows me, feels me, can relate to the things I'm thinking and feeling. We're not doing anything out of the ordinary. Everything is as it would be if I were still down south. Dinners in, wine, conversation, music. Catching up on this and that, bouncing ideas off each other, giving feedback, and mainly just enjoying each other's company.

She is, in many ways, my muse. Talking with her inspires me to be the best woman I can be. I'm insanely proud of her and her accomplishments thus far in life and I know that she equally of me and mine. We often spoke of these times when we were younger, and now that we're older and watching it come to fruition, it's a sight to behold. We've come a long way from the timid freshman living in the same dorm, trying to figure out what life held for us to being women of the world.

Sometimes I find myself feeling inadequate in my surroundings. Not fitting in with my coworkers or surroundings, missing the sun on a daily basis, having someone to just vibe out with. It's not that I don't have people around me that I can do this with, but when it's done with someone who has notches on the belt it means so much more. I'm not rushing to move back south to be close to what's familiar to me; but I appreciate it so much more when I have it close to the chest. It keeps me grounded. I can express myself and not feel silly. To quote someone who got a glimpse of the excitement in my voice: "you seem more alive when she's around."

A good friend (a best friend to be exact) will do that to you...

Perspective

It's amazing how perspective varies from person to person.


Take insecurity for example.


A person may not feel as though they are insecure, yet their actions may suggest otherwise. Example: saying you're OK with your boyfriend going out without you, then driving him crazy all night by texting/calling him. He can't enjoy himself and you are not acting as though you trust him.


But what happens on the rare occasion that someone is able to understand and acknowledge a person's perception of themselves-yet they can't? Someone believing they are not insecure and yet it's plain as day that they are?


I was talking to a good friend about this very topic this morning. He shared with me it's really about perspective. We conduct ourselves based on the way we think we are, not on the way it will be received by the external world. Events may take place and to one person it may seem like the worst thing ever, but to another, it's very surface level and "not that serious. "


Can you operate in a situation-work, relationship, marriage-like that? When people don't see eye to eye, does the situation have the strength to genuinely survive?


I think that's in the eye's of the beholder...

Inside my Frontal Lobe

Life is funny.

As much as you may try to plan, prepare, and proceed sometimes things may not turn out the way you'd like.

So does that then suggest that we don't think, but act on impulse? Dealing with issues only from a "black and white" stand point and never feeling out the gray in between?

Or do we examine the gray and try to help those who sit only on one side understand why we are not swaying to either?

And what if they don't get it? What if the equation is always 2+2=4, no more discussion?

How then do you proceed to make the best decisions possible when it could end up leaving a party unhappy, confused and trying to understand what went wrong?

Do I add graduate school to my ever-growing plate of work, and a relationship-knowing that something may suffer as a result?

Or do I wait (as I have done) until my relationship is a little stronger to handle the extra, and potentially unexpected, stress of less free time, weekends spent writing papers, studying, working on projects, reading, research and more?

If I am told (as I have been) that I have the support of my SO to move forward with school, how can I do so feeling that because I already have many things abound in my life, our relationship won't crash and burn? That he won't feel resentment towards me because I can't give him the quality time he needs and deserves? That my personal life will be hanging by a thread because I chose to do something that I've always wanted to do?

My relationship is a want.

School is a want.

Work is a need (a sistah's gotta eat, pay bills, and buy gas for the Pinto).

How do I answer this question: 'With everything you have going on, do you really need to be in a relationship right now?"

I don't know how to assess a "want" as a "need".

How do I create and understanding of the emotional depth of my concerns when the surface level is all that's being discussed?

Do I bite the bullet and make an executive decision for both?

This is one of those moments when I wish I could put my emotions and care and concern for others to the side a bit more easily and just roll with it.

Sometimes, being a woman is hard.

At what point do I get to have it all (whatever that means)?

Starting Over Yet Again

It's amazing to me how life gets in the way of your living sometimes. As much as I love my job, it has been taking over my life lately! Not to say that I don't love my job; I 100% do. It brings me a great deal of satisfaction doing what I do daily. But my responsibilities have grown. And when it's time to deliver, I do so with flying colors. Which results in the demand for the Addict to be a part of more projects, discussions, and trips to here and there.

Which is great! Nothing makes me happier than being a student of the game (i.e., my career) right now.

But little things get put to the sides as a result. And I'm having some trouble with the balance. Things like my relationship, my quiet time, my blogging are all taking a hit as a result of this new direction in my life. As I have a four-day weekend, I plan to vent many frustrations and catch up with all I've missed in the blog world. I also plan to do some real thinking and clearing my head. I didn't head to home for the holiday weekend (plane tickets are still astronomical) so it's just me, my apartment, a few good books, and some Law & Order marathons to keep me company. That and the idea of eating leftover turkey day goodies makes me warm and fuzzy inside.

I'm hoping to gain some of my sanity back this weekend. It's been aloof for quite some time now. Wish me luck.

Big, Fat Loser!

Yep, that's me. Been giving my whole life to my job and not nearly enough to my blog. When I was able to do this regularly, it was an essential part of my work/life balance. Now that I've been away for so long, I realize how much I truly miss it and connecting with the blogfam. I've made a promise to myself to make time to blog at least twice a week through the end of 2008. I think I can handle that : )

To quote NE-YO: "I guess you know you've made it when they start talking about you, right?" I'm not being talked about (at least to my face), but I've certainly been given more responsibility and job tasks at work. At the end of the day, it's all I can do to stay awake. I just want to drink wine and sleep. I know, I know- I need a better life.

So...what's been up? How are we feeling about the economy, politics, Sarah Palin, NFL, and more??

Morning Glory

I'm so NOT a morning person.

I decided that I would use this as an opportunity to vent how much I despise getting up early. I had to open at work today. Opening for us is 6am; which means I have to get up at 5, be out the door by 5:20 to arrive at work by 5:50.

Who really gets up that early? I'm not even awake yet. I'm operating strictly on auto pilot at that hour.

Morning people trouble me; they're all excited, awake, and happy. I love peace and quiet in the mornings; no noise, talking, or a lot of movement for that matter.

The sick part is, on the days I'm up this early, I'm highly productive at work. Not that I'm not on other days, but I especially notice it the days I have to be in early. Ain't that a B?

OK-vent session over. Thanks for listening.

Happy Monday!

The Latest Addictions-Pt 2

OK kids! I'm back; and figuring that a new list of my latest addictions are in order. Here we go:

Pistachios-OMG. Don't know when it started. I think I was at the cafe one day at work; I had my mouth sot (yes, sot) and ready for some cashews, and they were out. I settled for pistachios instead, and the rest is history.

Lemon-water- I find that I don't want to drink my water without a wedge of lemon in it. Maybe it was the summer; you know the whole citrus, fruity vibe summer brings, I'm not sure, but now I'm obsessed and will have it no other way.

Fantasy football- I was a FF virgin until last year. I played my first season, and made it all the way to the playoffs. This year, I was so obsessed with playing that when I found out I wouldn't be able to make my draft, I recruited someone to sit in for me. Not that it mattered; I had the 10th pick. I didn't come out too bad; I got some pretty good folks on my squad. I'll keep you posted on my progress.

My (soon-to-be new)hair color- Now- I must say that back in the day, I was pretty regular with keeping my hair colored. I'm naturally black, but in the summer my hair lightens in the sun. In college, I used to jump on that and add a little color. I find myself drawn towards red/auburn/copper-like colors. I'm extremely fair-skinned and those colors work well with my complexion. I'm also very artsy; I like different, new, "raised-eyebrow" styles so to speak. I'm thinking about doing the just the top half in a reddish copper, and keeping the back my natural color. Pics to follow soon!!!

Graduate school- It's always been a personal dream of mine to get my master's degree. Here lately, it's all I can think about. I'm in the process of looking at programs, deciding on my top 10 schools to apply to, and saving $$ for those application fees (cuz they are no joke!). I have big dreams of going abroad and teaching during school. I know it's going to be hella work, but I'm crazy excited!

My alma mata- Nestled in the sleepy town of Greenville, NC is the upstanding East Carolina University, home of the Pirates!! So far, my boys are having a killer season. We're 3-0 and recently acquired a national ranking! Is there a BCS bowl in our future? We haven't had a season start like this since my freshman year in '99. I'm a fan whether we win or lose, but I'll take the W any day of the week. Check them out: http://www.ecu.edu/ (pirate athletics). It's all about the Pirate Nation, baby! GO PIRATES!!!

Bob Sanders-Yeah...he just does it for me. The defensive back/safety for the Indianapolis Colts is my guy. I just dig his style, and love how he leaves his mark on the field in every game.

As of now, this rounds me out. I'm sure there's more, but that's just another excuse to blog right?

When it Rains...

...it pours.

Before LD weekend, I got a call from my mother. Sidebar: she lives below the Mason Dixon, and I'm all the way in New England. Needless to say, I dread the day the phone rings, and I'm not greeted with positive news. Back to the story: She informs me that during a routine mammogram, they come across something. Suspicion leads the specialist to believe that its nothing more than a calcium deposit, but just to be safe film is passed on for a second opinion. Come to find out, it's actually a mass that will require immediate removal. She (Mom dukes) sees the surgeon on Thursday of the same week and he wants to get her in a bed immediately. One problem: there are no beds available. She waits until Monday, and is able to get in, have the mass removed and sent away for biopsy and testing. Turns out, it's benign.

Score: Man Upstairs-1, Other guy-0


Following the surgery, I receive a phone call at work that my mother has just had a seizure sitting in the living room of my grandmother's house in front my my family. Yeah, I said seizure. No, she's not epileptic, but she has been experiencing these seizures all summer. Here's the catch; most people who have seizures know they are having or have had one. My mom doesn't know she's having one, can't hear you speak to her during it, and has no signs that one is coming on. While that might not seem all that crazy, the first 3 seizures she had occurred while she was driving. Had someone not been in the car with her....we won't go there. Luckily, she has a passenger when she ran the red light, stop sign and intersection because she was seizing when it happened. And everyone survived.

Turns out, she has something called Petite Mal or Silent Seizures. Instead of the shaking, eye-rolling, teeth-grinding episodes that people who suffer Grand Mal seizures experience, she experiences episodes where she looks like she's sleeping with her eyes open. She can't hear you calling her name. She makes a noise as if she's humming. She may slump over, and blink a lot. And when it's over, she's just as alert as can be. She's thinking that time is where it was 20 seconds earlier, only it's not.

You can imagine how scared I was when my aunt leaves this message on my voicemail at work: "Hey, it's Aunt Ash. Your mom just had a seizure, and I'm taking her to the doctor right now. Call you when we know more."

WTF?

Luckily, her seizures can be controlled by medication, and as long as she stays consistent she should be fine. Her neurologist (who is fantastic by the way) says that she shouldn't have to limit any of her normal activities of daily living.

Advantage: Man Upstairs

In addition to all this, my mother also has a small tumor on her brain. It's currently benign; but inoperable. It's called a menigioma (tumor of the meninges). Basically, it's right on the surface of her gray matter, and they can't risk going in to remove it without doing damage to her frontal lobe.

Crazy.

Needless to say, I'm keeping the faith. I understand that when it rains it pours, but then again, nothing grows without a little rain right?

My faith is growing every day...

Stop #2-Charlotte, NC (my home!)

Here it is! The second update from my summer travel extravaganza c/o the mouse.


So, after a losing my Vegas Virginity and learning some new ways to step my workout/teaching game up, I headed to Charlotte for some southern hospitality mixed with work. My job has offices there, and I had been recruited to do some presentations for my fellow coworkers. I couldn't have been happier; I get to head home for work! My mother was thrilled; she was planning things for us to do before I even arrived.


As an only child, I can imagine she gets lonely not having me in the house any more. There was a period where my mom went through huge separation anxiety, but that has long passed. Now she's just happy when I tell her I'm coming home.


So, during my week, I worked and played. I would work during the day, head back to the hotel to check my email, then head out to dinner for some down-time and cocktails with fellow workmates. On the days I didn't have to be in until later, I'd head home and spend time with my mom, grandmother, and uncle. My grandmother made a meal one evening; oh man. Talk about the spread. Ribs, green beans, potato salad, homemade biscuits...and lemon and blueberry pie!. I was stuffed and happy. Definitely can't get that living in New England! I was in heaven.

The remainder of the week brought visits with old friends, a night of Mexican food and margaritas, and some much-needed chill time with my family. I flew back to CT feeling good about my two weeks. Yeah, it was non-stop, no time to think, always on the go, but then it wouldn't be my life if it were any other way.

All in all- I can't complain. Good times were had by the Addict all around :)

Entitlement

OK- it's official! My life has calmed down enough for me to be able to blog regularly again! I miss my blogfam terribly. Hopefully 68 hasn't replaced me; we have much sports talk to catch up on my friend. Get ready!


I know I promised the second update from my summer adventures and it will come; but I wanted to blog about something I was having conversation about today.


In relationships, once you have become comfortable with your significant other, their space and such, often the need for certain "formalities" goes out the window. Calling before you come over, asking permission to get something to drink, showering, even doing laundry. Long gone are the days of timid requests and cute questioning to be able to take advantage of that which you don't have. It's what I like to call "a sense of entitlement." You begin to feel that "what's mine is yours/yours is mine" mentality and assume that the other person has too.


But what if one person never had that entitlement sense to begin with? Not having it as in, they ask before they do anything. They assume nothing. They may know they don't have to call before they come over but they do anyway. Why? Out of a sense of respect for the other person's space. Not wanting to overstep boundaries. Making sure the other understands that all is appreciated and not taken for granted.


In relationships, is the feeling of entitlement OK? And if so, how far does it go? Are you allowed to say certain things, ask certain questions, or not say/do certain under the assumption that it's OK because you hold special privileges? Just because you have keys to your SO's house does that mean you can show up any time you want? I don't; I always call before I come over. And, I'll admit that I have access to the SO's spot.


I'm not wired to have this; I never have been. I was raised to ask, say please, never assume, and be appreciative of everything because nothing was or is owed to me. My best friend says that if you gave me dirt wrapped as a gift, I would open it and say "aww, this is the best dirt in the world!"

Should I feel bad that I'm not that way?