Tuesday, August 28, 2007

Let it Burn?

Peace folk...the addict is back in rehab. The most current addiction: desire.

We've all heard, and probably spoken the adage "we always want what we can't have." Life affords us the opportunity be on the good and not-so-good side of this adage. We see things all the time that we would love to have for ourselves: cars, clothes, money, other people. The desire to have them for ourselves is enough to sometimes push us to strident measures. However, it's not just tangible items that we long for. We desire ideas, concepts, even lifestyles. We want to be the best. Present company included, we're all guilty of it. Allow me to use myself as an example.

As women, there are many things that society says we should do. Getting married, having kids, taking care of home. Here's the twisted (or not) side to it all; women are very much in the mindset of doing these things. I'm not quite 30, but it's surely making it's way to my front door. I'm not married, have no kids, and can pretty safely say that I'm a far cry from either happening soon. But I want it. And in my original "master plan" it was supposed to happen a long time ago. I want it so badly, it keeps me up at night. But am I blinded by my desire? Am I letting it get the best of me? The desire to be a good wife, and mother is so strong; I've shed tears at the thought of it not happening. The need to be so much of what society says I should and so much of what I want to be. I've even thought about what would happen if I couldn't fulfill that desire. I'm not sure there is an adjective to describe what I would feel.

Desire is such a strong word. We give it even more power when it takes on an object. It's like a demon that has just found a host. It gives way to jealousy, envy, and causes people to do dangerous deeds to get what they want. While it desire has a "light" side that drives you to succeed, and work towards your goals in life, it makes people do crazy things. It makes you cheat on a test. It makes you settle when you think you can't do better. Desire has made many cheat, lie, steal for what they want with no regard for the outcome. All in an effort to get their next "fix"...whatever that may be.

What do you desire? Is it really worth it? Hit me in the comments with your thoughts and experiences.

I know this post may be a bit askew...charge it to the monkey on my back.

'Til my next OD...

The Addict

Friday, August 24, 2007

The Addict:101

Peace and blessings...welcome to the mind of the addict. I'm a virgin to the world of blogging, and quite unsure of how this works. Where do I start? What are the rules? Will people really care what I have to say. Since it appears I was absent the day they went over this in school, I'll make a change to the syllabus-I'll do this my way. How does that sound?

Let's see, where do I start? Since most formal introductions involve names, let's discuss mine-the addict. The black and white of it is that it's me; it's who I am, my very being. I think once, I was reading an email; you know the ones that tell you about your personality based on your birthday? Well, my month read "November- The Addict". Everyone else had names like "The Lover", "The Thinker", "The Dreamer". Where did I go wrong? While not literally addicted to anything "dangerous" (herb, mini bottles of vodka, or sex), I have danced on the brink of some unhealthy addictions. It's the way I'm wired. When I like something, I like something. This includes people. Sometimes, I'm not the best judge of character-which has gotten me in trouble. I get attached easily and have a hard time letting go; I think the PC term is "detachment issues". There are certain things I don't do because I know they aren't good for me.But the desire is there...just like voices in the head of a crazy person. It's like Kanye says, "why everything that's supposed to be bad, make me feel so good?" Trust me, I'm working on myself as we speak.

So that's the science behind the name...and the person behind it. I'm not sure if this was a good first topic; I kinda put myelf out there. They say rehab comes in many forms....stay tuned. There's plenty more where that came from. Maybe some of you will get "addicted".

In all things, do you.

Peace,
The Addict