My how time flies when you're having fun.
Or living life.
Life. It's a funny thing you know. Everyday is different, new, easy, challenging, happy, sad, tiring and uplifting. And yet, we move forward day by day living, learning, and basically trying to stay afloat.
I can honestly say I've been sitting at the bottom of the river for a long time.
Somehow, I've managed to make it to the surface and float. Not without swallowing a lot of water along the way. Painful.
But...I'm still here. Weak, tired, but spirit in tact in willing.
I admit, I have no idea how I got back to the surface. Must have had some good people praying for me. Whoever you are, I love you for that.
Not breathing easy, but no longer oxygen deprived.
Tuesday, December 29, 2009
Tuesday, March 10, 2009
Man Up(stairs)
A few weeks ago, a friend of mine stepped to me with some "real life shit." He let me in on the fact that a young lady he'd been "kicking it" with was pregnant.
Hold the phone.
I'm not one to judge. Life sometimes gives you lemons and you have to find a way to make lemonade. But I will admit that I wasn't expecting him to say this.
This brother is a good dude. College-educated. Good values. Has all his teeth. Speaks clearly, and in complete sentences, may I add. Likes to have fun. Basically, just trying to live like the rest of us.
And now, in the midst of trying to get his life in order, he gets hit with this.
He told me he has no idea what to do. He's had a million thoughts in his head about what his next move should be. He wants to do what's right....even if that's right in the midst of him getting his game up to make moves.
So when he stepped to me and asked what I thought...for a split second, I was perplexed. I wanted to be sensitive to his situation, but be real with him at the same time. I told him that the Man Upstairs has a way of getting our attention when He wants it. Sometimes, life's most rewarding moments come from the most difficult experiences. At times, He's speaking to us and we aren't listening to Him; so instead we go with the counsel of friends or with our own reasoning. So when we do that, He lets us get to a place where we have no choice but to turn to Him for help. It is only when we're in the belly of the whale or the lion's den that we have no choice but to let Him order our steps.
I encouraged him to pray and be about the business of listening....really listening. His will will never take your farther than his grace will protect you.
I also told him he'd be a pretty cool dad...
Hold the phone.
I'm not one to judge. Life sometimes gives you lemons and you have to find a way to make lemonade. But I will admit that I wasn't expecting him to say this.
This brother is a good dude. College-educated. Good values. Has all his teeth. Speaks clearly, and in complete sentences, may I add. Likes to have fun. Basically, just trying to live like the rest of us.
And now, in the midst of trying to get his life in order, he gets hit with this.
He told me he has no idea what to do. He's had a million thoughts in his head about what his next move should be. He wants to do what's right....even if that's right in the midst of him getting his game up to make moves.
So when he stepped to me and asked what I thought...for a split second, I was perplexed. I wanted to be sensitive to his situation, but be real with him at the same time. I told him that the Man Upstairs has a way of getting our attention when He wants it. Sometimes, life's most rewarding moments come from the most difficult experiences. At times, He's speaking to us and we aren't listening to Him; so instead we go with the counsel of friends or with our own reasoning. So when we do that, He lets us get to a place where we have no choice but to turn to Him for help. It is only when we're in the belly of the whale or the lion's den that we have no choice but to let Him order our steps.
I encouraged him to pray and be about the business of listening....really listening. His will will never take your farther than his grace will protect you.
I also told him he'd be a pretty cool dad...
My Muse
"Inspiration comes in the strangest light"-Floetry
This quote 100% describes me at this very moment. Isn't it amazing how a sound, a smell, a song, or a person can have such a fierce impact on you? I find that fact quite fascinating.
Case in point:
My BFF is in town for the week. She happily (I hope) gave up her spring break to come spend time with me. Mind you, she left beautiful 82-degree North Carolina weather only to arrive in 36-degree, rainy/snowy New England. Her dog, our friends, and a very nice young man patiently await her arrival back on Saturday, but until then I have her all to myself. I can't begin to describe how good it feels to have her here; someone who knows me, feels me, can relate to the things I'm thinking and feeling. We're not doing anything out of the ordinary. Everything is as it would be if I were still down south. Dinners in, wine, conversation, music. Catching up on this and that, bouncing ideas off each other, giving feedback, and mainly just enjoying each other's company.
She is, in many ways, my muse. Talking with her inspires me to be the best woman I can be. I'm insanely proud of her and her accomplishments thus far in life and I know that she equally of me and mine. We often spoke of these times when we were younger, and now that we're older and watching it come to fruition, it's a sight to behold. We've come a long way from the timid freshman living in the same dorm, trying to figure out what life held for us to being women of the world.
Sometimes I find myself feeling inadequate in my surroundings. Not fitting in with my coworkers or surroundings, missing the sun on a daily basis, having someone to just vibe out with. It's not that I don't have people around me that I can do this with, but when it's done with someone who has notches on the belt it means so much more. I'm not rushing to move back south to be close to what's familiar to me; but I appreciate it so much more when I have it close to the chest. It keeps me grounded. I can express myself and not feel silly. To quote someone who got a glimpse of the excitement in my voice: "you seem more alive when she's around."
A good friend (a best friend to be exact) will do that to you...
This quote 100% describes me at this very moment. Isn't it amazing how a sound, a smell, a song, or a person can have such a fierce impact on you? I find that fact quite fascinating.
Case in point:
My BFF is in town for the week. She happily (I hope) gave up her spring break to come spend time with me. Mind you, she left beautiful 82-degree North Carolina weather only to arrive in 36-degree, rainy/snowy New England. Her dog, our friends, and a very nice young man patiently await her arrival back on Saturday, but until then I have her all to myself. I can't begin to describe how good it feels to have her here; someone who knows me, feels me, can relate to the things I'm thinking and feeling. We're not doing anything out of the ordinary. Everything is as it would be if I were still down south. Dinners in, wine, conversation, music. Catching up on this and that, bouncing ideas off each other, giving feedback, and mainly just enjoying each other's company.
She is, in many ways, my muse. Talking with her inspires me to be the best woman I can be. I'm insanely proud of her and her accomplishments thus far in life and I know that she equally of me and mine. We often spoke of these times when we were younger, and now that we're older and watching it come to fruition, it's a sight to behold. We've come a long way from the timid freshman living in the same dorm, trying to figure out what life held for us to being women of the world.
Sometimes I find myself feeling inadequate in my surroundings. Not fitting in with my coworkers or surroundings, missing the sun on a daily basis, having someone to just vibe out with. It's not that I don't have people around me that I can do this with, but when it's done with someone who has notches on the belt it means so much more. I'm not rushing to move back south to be close to what's familiar to me; but I appreciate it so much more when I have it close to the chest. It keeps me grounded. I can express myself and not feel silly. To quote someone who got a glimpse of the excitement in my voice: "you seem more alive when she's around."
A good friend (a best friend to be exact) will do that to you...
Thursday, January 22, 2009
Perspective
It's amazing how perspective varies from person to person.
Take insecurity for example.
A person may not feel as though they are insecure, yet their actions may suggest otherwise. Example: saying you're OK with your boyfriend going out without you, then driving him crazy all night by texting/calling him. He can't enjoy himself and you are not acting as though you trust him.
But what happens on the rare occasion that someone is able to understand and acknowledge a person's perception of themselves-yet they can't? Someone believing they are not insecure and yet it's plain as day that they are?
I was talking to a good friend about this very topic this morning. He shared with me it's really about perspective. We conduct ourselves based on the way we think we are, not on the way it will be received by the external world. Events may take place and to one person it may seem like the worst thing ever, but to another, it's very surface level and "not that serious. "
Can you operate in a situation-work, relationship, marriage-like that? When people don't see eye to eye, does the situation have the strength to genuinely survive?
I think that's in the eye's of the beholder...
Take insecurity for example.
A person may not feel as though they are insecure, yet their actions may suggest otherwise. Example: saying you're OK with your boyfriend going out without you, then driving him crazy all night by texting/calling him. He can't enjoy himself and you are not acting as though you trust him.
But what happens on the rare occasion that someone is able to understand and acknowledge a person's perception of themselves-yet they can't? Someone believing they are not insecure and yet it's plain as day that they are?
I was talking to a good friend about this very topic this morning. He shared with me it's really about perspective. We conduct ourselves based on the way we think we are, not on the way it will be received by the external world. Events may take place and to one person it may seem like the worst thing ever, but to another, it's very surface level and "not that serious. "
Can you operate in a situation-work, relationship, marriage-like that? When people don't see eye to eye, does the situation have the strength to genuinely survive?
I think that's in the eye's of the beholder...
Monday, January 19, 2009
Inside my Frontal Lobe
Life is funny.
As much as you may try to plan, prepare, and proceed sometimes things may not turn out the way you'd like.
So does that then suggest that we don't think, but act on impulse? Dealing with issues only from a "black and white" stand point and never feeling out the gray in between?
Or do we examine the gray and try to help those who sit only on one side understand why we are not swaying to either?
And what if they don't get it? What if the equation is always 2+2=4, no more discussion?
How then do you proceed to make the best decisions possible when it could end up leaving a party unhappy, confused and trying to understand what went wrong?
Do I add graduate school to my ever-growing plate of work, and a relationship-knowing that something may suffer as a result?
Or do I wait (as I have done) until my relationship is a little stronger to handle the extra, and potentially unexpected, stress of less free time, weekends spent writing papers, studying, working on projects, reading, research and more?
If I am told (as I have been) that I have the support of my SO to move forward with school, how can I do so feeling that because I already have many things abound in my life, our relationship won't crash and burn? That he won't feel resentment towards me because I can't give him the quality time he needs and deserves? That my personal life will be hanging by a thread because I chose to do something that I've always wanted to do?
My relationship is a want.
School is a want.
Work is a need (a sistah's gotta eat, pay bills, and buy gas for the Pinto).
How do I answer this question: 'With everything you have going on, do you really need to be in a relationship right now?"
I don't know how to assess a "want" as a "need".
How do I create and understanding of the emotional depth of my concerns when the surface level is all that's being discussed?
Do I bite the bullet and make an executive decision for both?
This is one of those moments when I wish I could put my emotions and care and concern for others to the side a bit more easily and just roll with it.
Sometimes, being a woman is hard.
At what point do I get to have it all (whatever that means)?
As much as you may try to plan, prepare, and proceed sometimes things may not turn out the way you'd like.
So does that then suggest that we don't think, but act on impulse? Dealing with issues only from a "black and white" stand point and never feeling out the gray in between?
Or do we examine the gray and try to help those who sit only on one side understand why we are not swaying to either?
And what if they don't get it? What if the equation is always 2+2=4, no more discussion?
How then do you proceed to make the best decisions possible when it could end up leaving a party unhappy, confused and trying to understand what went wrong?
Do I add graduate school to my ever-growing plate of work, and a relationship-knowing that something may suffer as a result?
Or do I wait (as I have done) until my relationship is a little stronger to handle the extra, and potentially unexpected, stress of less free time, weekends spent writing papers, studying, working on projects, reading, research and more?
If I am told (as I have been) that I have the support of my SO to move forward with school, how can I do so feeling that because I already have many things abound in my life, our relationship won't crash and burn? That he won't feel resentment towards me because I can't give him the quality time he needs and deserves? That my personal life will be hanging by a thread because I chose to do something that I've always wanted to do?
My relationship is a want.
School is a want.
Work is a need (a sistah's gotta eat, pay bills, and buy gas for the Pinto).
How do I answer this question: 'With everything you have going on, do you really need to be in a relationship right now?"
I don't know how to assess a "want" as a "need".
How do I create and understanding of the emotional depth of my concerns when the surface level is all that's being discussed?
Do I bite the bullet and make an executive decision for both?
This is one of those moments when I wish I could put my emotions and care and concern for others to the side a bit more easily and just roll with it.
Sometimes, being a woman is hard.
At what point do I get to have it all (whatever that means)?
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