Starting Over Yet Again

It's amazing to me how life gets in the way of your living sometimes. As much as I love my job, it has been taking over my life lately! Not to say that I don't love my job; I 100% do. It brings me a great deal of satisfaction doing what I do daily. But my responsibilities have grown. And when it's time to deliver, I do so with flying colors. Which results in the demand for the Addict to be a part of more projects, discussions, and trips to here and there.

Which is great! Nothing makes me happier than being a student of the game (i.e., my career) right now.

But little things get put to the sides as a result. And I'm having some trouble with the balance. Things like my relationship, my quiet time, my blogging are all taking a hit as a result of this new direction in my life. As I have a four-day weekend, I plan to vent many frustrations and catch up with all I've missed in the blog world. I also plan to do some real thinking and clearing my head. I didn't head to home for the holiday weekend (plane tickets are still astronomical) so it's just me, my apartment, a few good books, and some Law & Order marathons to keep me company. That and the idea of eating leftover turkey day goodies makes me warm and fuzzy inside.

I'm hoping to gain some of my sanity back this weekend. It's been aloof for quite some time now. Wish me luck.

Big, Fat Loser!

Yep, that's me. Been giving my whole life to my job and not nearly enough to my blog. When I was able to do this regularly, it was an essential part of my work/life balance. Now that I've been away for so long, I realize how much I truly miss it and connecting with the blogfam. I've made a promise to myself to make time to blog at least twice a week through the end of 2008. I think I can handle that : )

To quote NE-YO: "I guess you know you've made it when they start talking about you, right?" I'm not being talked about (at least to my face), but I've certainly been given more responsibility and job tasks at work. At the end of the day, it's all I can do to stay awake. I just want to drink wine and sleep. I know, I know- I need a better life.

So...what's been up? How are we feeling about the economy, politics, Sarah Palin, NFL, and more??

Morning Glory

I'm so NOT a morning person.

I decided that I would use this as an opportunity to vent how much I despise getting up early. I had to open at work today. Opening for us is 6am; which means I have to get up at 5, be out the door by 5:20 to arrive at work by 5:50.

Who really gets up that early? I'm not even awake yet. I'm operating strictly on auto pilot at that hour.

Morning people trouble me; they're all excited, awake, and happy. I love peace and quiet in the mornings; no noise, talking, or a lot of movement for that matter.

The sick part is, on the days I'm up this early, I'm highly productive at work. Not that I'm not on other days, but I especially notice it the days I have to be in early. Ain't that a B?

OK-vent session over. Thanks for listening.

Happy Monday!

The Latest Addictions-Pt 2

OK kids! I'm back; and figuring that a new list of my latest addictions are in order. Here we go:

Pistachios-OMG. Don't know when it started. I think I was at the cafe one day at work; I had my mouth sot (yes, sot) and ready for some cashews, and they were out. I settled for pistachios instead, and the rest is history.

Lemon-water- I find that I don't want to drink my water without a wedge of lemon in it. Maybe it was the summer; you know the whole citrus, fruity vibe summer brings, I'm not sure, but now I'm obsessed and will have it no other way.

Fantasy football- I was a FF virgin until last year. I played my first season, and made it all the way to the playoffs. This year, I was so obsessed with playing that when I found out I wouldn't be able to make my draft, I recruited someone to sit in for me. Not that it mattered; I had the 10th pick. I didn't come out too bad; I got some pretty good folks on my squad. I'll keep you posted on my progress.

My (soon-to-be new)hair color- Now- I must say that back in the day, I was pretty regular with keeping my hair colored. I'm naturally black, but in the summer my hair lightens in the sun. In college, I used to jump on that and add a little color. I find myself drawn towards red/auburn/copper-like colors. I'm extremely fair-skinned and those colors work well with my complexion. I'm also very artsy; I like different, new, "raised-eyebrow" styles so to speak. I'm thinking about doing the just the top half in a reddish copper, and keeping the back my natural color. Pics to follow soon!!!

Graduate school- It's always been a personal dream of mine to get my master's degree. Here lately, it's all I can think about. I'm in the process of looking at programs, deciding on my top 10 schools to apply to, and saving $$ for those application fees (cuz they are no joke!). I have big dreams of going abroad and teaching during school. I know it's going to be hella work, but I'm crazy excited!

My alma mata- Nestled in the sleepy town of Greenville, NC is the upstanding East Carolina University, home of the Pirates!! So far, my boys are having a killer season. We're 3-0 and recently acquired a national ranking! Is there a BCS bowl in our future? We haven't had a season start like this since my freshman year in '99. I'm a fan whether we win or lose, but I'll take the W any day of the week. Check them out: http://www.ecu.edu/ (pirate athletics). It's all about the Pirate Nation, baby! GO PIRATES!!!

Bob Sanders-Yeah...he just does it for me. The defensive back/safety for the Indianapolis Colts is my guy. I just dig his style, and love how he leaves his mark on the field in every game.

As of now, this rounds me out. I'm sure there's more, but that's just another excuse to blog right?

When it Rains...

...it pours.

Before LD weekend, I got a call from my mother. Sidebar: she lives below the Mason Dixon, and I'm all the way in New England. Needless to say, I dread the day the phone rings, and I'm not greeted with positive news. Back to the story: She informs me that during a routine mammogram, they come across something. Suspicion leads the specialist to believe that its nothing more than a calcium deposit, but just to be safe film is passed on for a second opinion. Come to find out, it's actually a mass that will require immediate removal. She (Mom dukes) sees the surgeon on Thursday of the same week and he wants to get her in a bed immediately. One problem: there are no beds available. She waits until Monday, and is able to get in, have the mass removed and sent away for biopsy and testing. Turns out, it's benign.

Score: Man Upstairs-1, Other guy-0


Following the surgery, I receive a phone call at work that my mother has just had a seizure sitting in the living room of my grandmother's house in front my my family. Yeah, I said seizure. No, she's not epileptic, but she has been experiencing these seizures all summer. Here's the catch; most people who have seizures know they are having or have had one. My mom doesn't know she's having one, can't hear you speak to her during it, and has no signs that one is coming on. While that might not seem all that crazy, the first 3 seizures she had occurred while she was driving. Had someone not been in the car with her....we won't go there. Luckily, she has a passenger when she ran the red light, stop sign and intersection because she was seizing when it happened. And everyone survived.

Turns out, she has something called Petite Mal or Silent Seizures. Instead of the shaking, eye-rolling, teeth-grinding episodes that people who suffer Grand Mal seizures experience, she experiences episodes where she looks like she's sleeping with her eyes open. She can't hear you calling her name. She makes a noise as if she's humming. She may slump over, and blink a lot. And when it's over, she's just as alert as can be. She's thinking that time is where it was 20 seconds earlier, only it's not.

You can imagine how scared I was when my aunt leaves this message on my voicemail at work: "Hey, it's Aunt Ash. Your mom just had a seizure, and I'm taking her to the doctor right now. Call you when we know more."

WTF?

Luckily, her seizures can be controlled by medication, and as long as she stays consistent she should be fine. Her neurologist (who is fantastic by the way) says that she shouldn't have to limit any of her normal activities of daily living.

Advantage: Man Upstairs

In addition to all this, my mother also has a small tumor on her brain. It's currently benign; but inoperable. It's called a menigioma (tumor of the meninges). Basically, it's right on the surface of her gray matter, and they can't risk going in to remove it without doing damage to her frontal lobe.

Crazy.

Needless to say, I'm keeping the faith. I understand that when it rains it pours, but then again, nothing grows without a little rain right?

My faith is growing every day...

Stop #2-Charlotte, NC (my home!)

Here it is! The second update from my summer travel extravaganza c/o the mouse.


So, after a losing my Vegas Virginity and learning some new ways to step my workout/teaching game up, I headed to Charlotte for some southern hospitality mixed with work. My job has offices there, and I had been recruited to do some presentations for my fellow coworkers. I couldn't have been happier; I get to head home for work! My mother was thrilled; she was planning things for us to do before I even arrived.


As an only child, I can imagine she gets lonely not having me in the house any more. There was a period where my mom went through huge separation anxiety, but that has long passed. Now she's just happy when I tell her I'm coming home.


So, during my week, I worked and played. I would work during the day, head back to the hotel to check my email, then head out to dinner for some down-time and cocktails with fellow workmates. On the days I didn't have to be in until later, I'd head home and spend time with my mom, grandmother, and uncle. My grandmother made a meal one evening; oh man. Talk about the spread. Ribs, green beans, potato salad, homemade biscuits...and lemon and blueberry pie!. I was stuffed and happy. Definitely can't get that living in New England! I was in heaven.

The remainder of the week brought visits with old friends, a night of Mexican food and margaritas, and some much-needed chill time with my family. I flew back to CT feeling good about my two weeks. Yeah, it was non-stop, no time to think, always on the go, but then it wouldn't be my life if it were any other way.

All in all- I can't complain. Good times were had by the Addict all around :)

Entitlement

OK- it's official! My life has calmed down enough for me to be able to blog regularly again! I miss my blogfam terribly. Hopefully 68 hasn't replaced me; we have much sports talk to catch up on my friend. Get ready!


I know I promised the second update from my summer adventures and it will come; but I wanted to blog about something I was having conversation about today.


In relationships, once you have become comfortable with your significant other, their space and such, often the need for certain "formalities" goes out the window. Calling before you come over, asking permission to get something to drink, showering, even doing laundry. Long gone are the days of timid requests and cute questioning to be able to take advantage of that which you don't have. It's what I like to call "a sense of entitlement." You begin to feel that "what's mine is yours/yours is mine" mentality and assume that the other person has too.


But what if one person never had that entitlement sense to begin with? Not having it as in, they ask before they do anything. They assume nothing. They may know they don't have to call before they come over but they do anyway. Why? Out of a sense of respect for the other person's space. Not wanting to overstep boundaries. Making sure the other understands that all is appreciated and not taken for granted.


In relationships, is the feeling of entitlement OK? And if so, how far does it go? Are you allowed to say certain things, ask certain questions, or not say/do certain under the assumption that it's OK because you hold special privileges? Just because you have keys to your SO's house does that mean you can show up any time you want? I don't; I always call before I come over. And, I'll admit that I have access to the SO's spot.


I'm not wired to have this; I never have been. I was raised to ask, say please, never assume, and be appreciative of everything because nothing was or is owed to me. My best friend says that if you gave me dirt wrapped as a gift, I would open it and say "aww, this is the best dirt in the world!"

Should I feel bad that I'm not that way?

Stop #1-Vegas

I promised to give an update.

Here it is.

So...stop #1 was Vegas, baby! I have to admit, I was geeked. I was a certified Vegas virgin and the thought of heading to sin city for a little fun in the sun (literally) intrigued me slightly. I didn't know what to expect. I've only been to the left coast twice in my 2? years on this earth. Both were to Cali so I was eager to have my "what happens in Vegas" experience.

Admittidly, it didn't quite happen like that.

I'll remind you that I was there for a fitness convention. For those of you who care, this is the mother of all conventions. Some of the biggest names in the industy show up these events. Every one from equipment companies and music organizations, to clothing and shoe vendors come to peddal their wares. It's a love nest for a fitness freak such as yours truly. I was in heaven.

Each day I had specfic classes that I had registered for prior to coming. Mind you, these are not all "sit down" classes. These are master versions of what you see in your everyday gyms/clubs. For example, I registered for a spin class one morning. Most spin classes run 60 minutes or so. Not ours. This is a room with 65 bikes and every single person on a bike is a fitness professional of some sort. So of course our instructors are more insane than we are. Wrap your mind around this: 6:40am (Vegas time) we're in this huge room with 65 people getting ready for a 90 minute spin class! Out of control. But we do it. The lights get dimmed, the music gets pumped and we start rolling. It's hot, sweaty and the bike seat is getting in my ass, but I love it. It's a sick obsession. I pedal like it's the last class I'll ever take. When it's all said and done, I'm dripping, probably 3-5lb lighter than I was when I started, and wearing a satified smile. I know, I know. I need help.


From there, I immediately grab my bag, and head off to a master kickboxing class. Yes, you heard right, kickboxing. This is my true love- if I could only teach one class the rest of my life, it would be this. Nothing gets me in the zone like this class. My master class was two hours long. We spent the first 25 minutes going over the basics; kicks, punches, blocks and a few combos. We spent the remaining 80 minutes actually kickboxing!! It was insane to say the least. I was dead tired, but I couldn't let the other folks around me defeat me. The mental influence is enough to keep you going for a solid 30 minutes. Every time I wanted to stop and sit down, I'd grab some water and get back in. Another 2-3lbs later, I was sweaty, happy I'd gained some new material to take back to my job and was off to my next class.


That was my life from Tuesday to Friday.


Back to back. Muscle definition classes. Stretcch classes. Pilates. Bosu clinics. Learning new equipment. Even in classes where we could sit and take notes, there would be 2-3 pieces of equipment for us to use in stages. We would work out, run to the side and grab our notepads to scribble down what we learned, throw back some water and then jump back in.

My body was so sore and tired at the end of every day I could barely make it to dinner.

I loved every minute of it.

It's official; I'm addicted.

Up next, stop#2---the QC aka-Charlotte, NC...aka...home of the Addict!

Home, Sweet Home

So when your job says put your traveling pants on, you don't ask questions. You put them on and go.

That's been my story since July 7. As of today, I have only been in my apartment 8 days in the month of July.

Out of control.

I miss blogging terribly and have needed it, but the demands on my life have been such that I haven't had time (or energy) to focus my thoughts and communicate them properly.

The update is coming...I know I owe you. Vegas, Charlotte, then back to NC (Greensboro) for a wedding. This entire month has been spent on a plane, living out of my suitcase, checking in and out of hotels, eating out, working out, networking, drinking, and very little sleep.

I'm so happy to be able to sleep in my own bed; much like a crackhead when they have gotten their most recent high.

More to come!

Vegas, Baby!!

(Ok- this post was supposed to be up Monday, July 7. Pretend it's that day and enjoy!)

That's right!!! I'm off to Vegas! An addicts paradise, if you will. The lights, the sounds...I get excited just thinking about it!!

My real reason for going is for work. There is a fitness convention I'm attending and low and behold---this year's destination was Vegas! Don't get it twisted; I will be getting my cardiovascular on during the day as well as a few classes for my professional development. But you better believe that when night falls, I'm on the prowl. I'm a night owl any way, so I'm looking forward to having new things to stimulate my mind...

In addition to the convention, some other folks from work will be out there for various reasons; the mother of events for extreme sports will be making it's debut shortly so we have hella folks preparing for that. I also found out that one of my homegirls is out there covering poker and she told me she could get me in some parties!! Hello...? Partying with ballers who play poker? Where do I sign? Not sure what I'm in for, but it's all about the experience. Nobody parties like we do. (For those of you who don't know who we is....trust. We gets down for ours.)

The real kicker to all this is that at the end of my Vegas adventure, I'm headed home!!! Again for work, but we have offices in the QC as well. I'm there for a week, so I'll be sure to update you on my adventures. Dorothy said it...there's no place like home. And to top it off, I'm living on the mouse (Mickey, that is) for the next 2 weeks. I love my job.

That's the latest and the greatest with the me. Stay tuned!

The Poll Question: Can Men and Women Truly be Platonic Without Attraction?

Well, can they?


The results:


7 said Absolutely.
9 thought Hell Naw!
5 voted Perhaps...


It's a question I often ask because I find the subject extremely thought-provoking. Not only the yes/no argument, but which gender responds on what side of the agument and why tickles my pickle even more.


*For those of you that voted, please stop by and comment as to why you took the stance you did. I'm very interested in your thoughts!!!!


Now, as far as the Addict is concerned, my vote is a combination of the "perhaps/hell naw" category.
I (want to) believe that men and women can be platonic; maintaining relationships with the opposite sex can be tricky. I have male friends with whom I hang out. We may grab drink, or catch dinner, and when it's over, it's over. I also have male friends of which I don't have their phone number, nor they mine. If I see them out, then it's all love, but neither party is pressed to be up under the other. I think the grey area (the "perhaps" end of my vote if you will) comes when there could be or is attraction on one or both parts. This takes away from the platonic nature of the relationship. Folks may not act on that attraction in fear of ruining the friendship so they keep quiet and keep their good thing. Or they may decide to put it out there and see what happens. What then?


The situation gets sticky-icky-icky when one/both parties have significant others but that's another post all together.


Now...for the "hell naw" side of my argument.


I once had a very good male friend (whom I will say that I was attracted to, but nothing ever came of it and now he's married) tell me that "no man is friends with a woman he isn't attracted to." He went on to say that men befriend women they find attractive purposely. This is in hopes that if something ever develops, it's not a question of attraction; just a question of how to proceed once it's out there.


So...if a man befriends a woman he's attracted to, are his actions truly genuine or is he just buying his time to fulfill alterior motives??? And what if she's not attracted to him? Is he just content living in his fantasy of what could be?? Fellas, don't think I'm just harping on you; this argument goes for women who befriend men they find titilating as well. In this case, I might lean more towards hell naw; if this is the case, if you're feeling froggy, leap! Might be a winner!

No Internet!!?!

So...I'm traveling for work and the internet in my room is not working!!! They sent a tech up to try to fix it. He took one look at it (my computer and the connection) and promptly informed me that there was nothing he could do for me. WTF???

I'll spare the name of the hotel so as not to sway innocent minds, but you would think that a hotel of this quality would be able to manage repairing a simple internet connection. Apparently not.

Any way...lucky for you, I drafted several posts before I traveled. My plan was to post them upon my arrival and during the week. We all see how that worked out.

Stay tuned...post #1 to follow shortly.

Hope you guys are well!

Thought-Provoking Question

Isn't it funny how we know there is something we should/need to do but instead of pulling the weeds from the flower bed, we water the whole bed hoping the weeds will die on their own?

Thoughts?

Life Isn't but a Dream...

You ever wonder if one day you're going to wake up and find out that it was all a dream? That all the crazy, bad, random things about your life never happened? Wouldn't that be awesome? To just have a clean slate?

If you could have it, would you really want it?

I can honestly say that I wouldn't.

I'll be the first to say that everything about my life is not picture perfect. I have said and done things I would love to take back. I often look back on things in my life and wonder how I'm not dead, or how I managed to wiggle out of certain situations. There have been times I thought "why didn't someone slap me?" for doing some stupid ish. None the less, the great lesson in all this is that if it had not been for my life's experiences, I wouldn't be the woman I am today.

Experience is a great teacher-good or bad. We either find out the hard way or make a smooth landing. Either way, we learn from all things and use them to build the foundation for future endeavors. You only have to get burned once to know the fire is hot. But after you've been burned, you figure out what you need to do to not let it happen again. Life is funny like that.

So...if you could take it all back to do it again the right way, would you? Or would be proud of your the wounds you got during battle to be able to stand up and say "I persevered"?

Checking In

Wow...I feel like I haven't been around in a minute!! I miss everyone!!! I've had lots going on (good and bad) so I'll be sure to take some time to catch everyone up on the addict's latest trysts :)

How's everyone doing?

Who Am I?

Who am I?

I'm a woman.
Not perfect.
Hardworking.

I'm a woman.
Ever growing.
Always learning.

I'm a woman.
Cherishes family.
Adores friends.

I'm a woman.
Forever strong,
fight til the end.

I'm a woman.
A natural comforter.
A warm embrace.

I'm a woman.
Feel my love,
see my grace.

I'm a woman.
Standing tall!
Walking proud!

I'm a woman.
Independent.
Don't need the crowd.

I'm a woman.
Fearing God,
needing His care.

I'm a woman.
Praying daily,
knowing He's there.

I'm a woman.
Stressing out,
going through.

I'm a woman.
in need of love,
tried and true.

I'm a woman.
southern born,
southern raised;

I'm a woman
pressing on,
finding my way.

I'm a woman.
Strong in heart,
strong in mind.

I'm a woman.
A magnificent creature,
One of a kind.

"Jesus-Freak"

" The biggest freaks are church girls. If you want a freak, don't go to tha club, go to church. The same girls who would be sweatin' out their perms in the club on Saturday night would be the same chicks in church six hours later."
~j.hudson

So what do you think? Are all church girls freaks? Is the adage true? Is the pastor's daughter getting busy in a Sunday school room during choir rehearsal? Having this conversation as I was driving home from T.G.I. Friday's to watch the game tonight (I'm on the Celtics Bandwagon since my Bobcats were horrible this year), it got me thinking. Growing up, I was what you would call a "church girl". I was there every Sunday. I sang in the choir, I was a junior usher, an acolyte, leader of my youth group, and once I got of age, I even taught the younger kids in VBS (that's Vacation Bible School- don't act like you don't know).

But...I wasn't the girl that the guys wanted. I wasn't the "Jesus-Freak". I was always "the guy's girl". They may have thought I was pretty or cute, but no one ever tried to lure me to the back for some naughty behavior. I was the girl they always wanted to be on their kickball or dodge ball team, or the one they used to get to other girls. Lol...I will say that I did go to church with some girls who got the side-eye (Diva & Ms. Behaving, I'm borrowing your words). The ones that always sat in the back row and had the attention of the guys. They were always the "pretty girls". But was it because secretly, they were an easier nut to crack? The Bible says the Lord loves a cheerful giver...

Let me stop ; P

Seriously-I'd say that as I've gotten older I've heard rumors and seen women in church do some things that would make one raise an eyebrow. Wearing certain clothes, showing a bit more cleavage than necessary, even sitting so they can be in plain view of someone specific. They have to know what they are doing. Last I checked, that wasn't in the definition of a virtuous woman. But what about the women who are perfectly put together? Underneath the pumps and pearls, hats and handbags, are there women who go home an pull out the whip and the swing for some praise and worship?

Thoughts? Get at me in the comments.

Makes me Wanna Holler!

OK...my mind is boggled.

This morning on my way to work (at 5:20AM), I was minding my own, driving down the street. I happened to look in my rear view mirror and noticed a cop following me. Now, I'm not one to think "oh hell, what now?" I tend to have a more aggressive, "mess with me if you want" attitude towards cops. Men, especially cops in my experience, sometimes don't expect a woman to speak up or know her stuff. Not this little yellow girl...I come ready-guns blazin'.

So anyway, we're driving and he pulls into the lane next to me as we approach a stop light at an intersection. I come to a complete stop, but the cop does not. In fact, he does the casual drive right up to the pedestrian walk and then, without putting on his sirens, runs the light!?! WTF??? Now granted, there was not other traffic around except me, but if I had pulled that mess, he would have had my tags run before I could say my name. There was no emergency; the ambulance and fire departments were no where in sight. He just ran the light for no reason other than he could 'cause he's got a badge. As he passed by, he gave me the "yeah, that's right" look; kinda smug and sarcastic.

Stuff like that just makes my teeth wiggle!! I despise seeing our law enforcement-the folks who are supposed to uphold the law and set the example and standard-violate it. I know they have special rights and privileges, but sometimes they just take them too far. Like I said, had that been me, it would have been a serious matter.

Oh well, whatcha gonna do?

I Blog Because...

Peace.

Since joining the blog world in '07, it's been amazing to watch the process evolve. What's been more amazing is how I look forward to writing and reading other blogs. I'm not in deep yet, but I feel like I have a my steady blogfam that I check out regularly. I enjoy reading about the daily adventures of others; let's me know I'm not alone in my endeavors. Blogging gives me a an out, a release from the day-to-day life. It's my emotional exercise. Definitely making good use of the first amendment.


It was brought to my attention by someone close to me that it was good I had a "non work related" activity in my life. I had to stop and think about that for a sec.


My whole life revolves around work or things that have to do with work. Who I hang out with, how I use my free time, where I live. I love to work out and be active, but that is what I get paid to do everyday. I'm at the stage in my life where I enjoy work; I'm not married, I don't have children so I can give more of my time to my job and what it requires of me. There are times I'll work 12-hour days and yes I'm tired, but I don't mind. I believe that when my life stage changes (i.e., I get married, have kids, relocation) then I'll adjust my activities to boot.

My job has a very "college" feel about it. We party together, play together, sleep together (literally and figuratively), travel together and so on. It's the nature of our business. You can always tell when we are holding a spot down by the identifying stickers on our cars. You gotta love it.

Getting back to my point, I to am glad that I was introduced to the blog world. I love the ability to express myself and diversify my portfolio (for you B!) and have very much been able to do so through my blog. For those who check out my spot, thanks for the love. I plan to to keep this a part of my world until further notice.

I'm Addicted...again.

Peace everyone.

Isn't it funny how we attach ourselves to things? I find that I cycle through "moments" of certain things that I can't live without. I wrote a similar post a while back and while many of those still hold a high place in my life, I've recently added a few things. It's a good thing I really don't do drugs...I'd be in a terrible place otherwise. I've got such an addictive personality; hence the name.

Here you go---the latest addictions:

*Vitamin Water- I don't know how or when. One day, I had one and then I couldn't live without them. My goal was to have every flavor made. At Stop-N-Shop (our local grocery chain) they run deals where you can get 10 Vitamin Waters for $10!!! I was in heaven. Favorite flavors to date: Formula 50 (gotta support his business ventures), XXX (Sex in the City brand), Defense, and Energy. Vitamin Water-try it.

*Asparagus- Really? Yes! It's so wonderful! Clearly, it's the new broccoli. Grilled, steamed, sauteed I am in love. I order it every chance I get. For those of you who have...digestive side effects, be mindful. While wonderful and good for you, it may give you a healthy dose of flatulence to boot.

*Tiffany & Co.- OK. I know this one may seem a bit off the map, but over the last year, I've developed a special fondness for that little blue box. What woman doesn't love it? I'm not dripping with jewelry (I only have 3 pieces to date), but what it represents is timeless. Class, elegance, the finer things in life. Tiffany's has only been sung about, featured in movies (Sweet Home Alabama!!) and be documented a few hundred times. I'd say that makes it a strong candidate on my list. That...and I wouldn't mind adding a few more boxes to my collection.

*Water w/ Lemon- My new obsession. I live for Lemon-water. Something about it...it's refreshing, light, and if you add Splenda, you can make lemonade. I know, I know, it's hood, but true.

*Raspberry and Pomegranate Martinis- Love them! Perfect summer beverage. Fruity, feminine and fierce. Next to diamonds, a martini is a girl's best friend.

*Pedicures- I am that chick--if I'm stepping out and my toes are going to be out, then they have to be on point. In the winter, I get them less frequently, but in the summer they are subject to regular treatment at least once a month. Gotta keep my game tight ya heard?

*Trendy bags- You can never go wrong in this area. A great bag can totally make an outfit. My most recent purchase-and Ed Hardy tote-is my latest addition. I won't tell you how much I paid for it...just know it was worth it.

*Kickboxing- My refuge, my stress-reliever, my passion. Of all the classes I teach and all the fitness outlets I'm certified in Kickboxing is my favorite. I currently teach it twice a week and I LOVE IT! There's nothing better than getting out all the pent up energy of my day and motivating the folks that take my classes and kicking their butts. It's my release; I'm 100% in the zone when I teach this class. My students say I "hulk out" then come back down when class is over. I don't make it easy; they work hard and get a hellified workout in the process. One of the few times I'll pop my own collar; I'm a damn good instructor.

I try to keep my addictions in check. So far, so good...

Sleepless in...

*Have you ever been up so long that when it's time for you to sleep you just can't?

That was me yesterday.

I woke up at 4am to pack for a trip. I typically get up at 5am on days I have to open so the fact that I was up a full 60 minutes earlier was a stretch. I got packed, got my stuff together for work and was out the door by 5:20 and at work by 5:50. Have I mentioned that this was all AM? I am NOT a morning person by any means.

I arrived at work with 10 minutes to get things going before a 6am meeting, followed by a 7am training session. With that out the way, I proceeded to get my workout in since I would lose the opportunity later in my day to do so. One sweaty hour and 10 minutes later, I'm headed to shower and dress for a department meeting. That takes me through the next 2 hours and at noon, I'm back prepared to teach classes (Intervelocity and Pilates) for the next 2 hours. At 2:15 (we're now in the PM) I have my final training session of the day. I wrap up my life by 3:15 and jump right into the ride for a 3 1/2 hour trip to Dirty Jerz. At 8:00 I'm putting my stuff down and ready to grub. I'm so tired at this point I don't even know my name. But I muster up the strength to enjoy my evening. By the time I'm full and back to the hotel, it's around 10 and I need toothpicks to hold my eyelids open. Do I crawl into bed and pass out? Not quite. Silly me--I put on my pj's and get into bed...with my laptop. I spend the next 90 minutes doing work. What? I'm clearly delirious at this point; running completely on fumes. I do some Facebooking, blog-browse and finally shut down my computer around 1AM.

Now--I should be dead at this point, but I've been up so long I can't even sleep. My second wind had kicked in and I was bright-eyed and bushy-tailed. I ordered two Lemon Drop martini's to help me unwind, but the silly fools sent me regulars instead. Now I'm a solider, but not a general. The were so strong; I had to let them be. I was pissed. How do you eff up a martini?

So...I did what any normal person would do: at 1:30AM I turned my TV to ESPN and let the sweet sounds of Sportscenter lull me away. I don't remember what time I drifted off, I just know that I woke up around and the sun was up.

Ain't that a B?

*a random rant by the Addict

Random: Pt. 2

Peace everyone.

I've decided to revisit my "Random" post a second time around. This time, I have some things that are a bit more thought provoking. The idea is to add my own rationale behind the various topics. Some of these are quite random, but I hope you find it an interesting read. Who knows? It may be good enough for Sixty-eight to jack again...

-Who's the bigger player: Bill Clinton or JFK?

*JFK without question. Actually, both were in their own way, but you can tell a true playa by the company he keeps. Bill is married to Hillary; while she's smart, she's a bit homely. JFK married Jakie O...the Diva of all Divas! She was a debutant with killer shades and was always ready for the runway. Bill kept it close with Gennifer Flowers and Monica Lewinsky. JFK ran around with Angie Dickinson and Marilyn Monroe. If you're gonna do it, do it like you're doing it for TV. Need I say more?

-NCAA or NBA?

*NCAA all day. Way more heart in the game before the contracts and endorsements. I'll make an exception for the NBA playoffs and finals though. Sometimes, regular season games look like practice made for TV. It's not until the playoffs and finals that the superheros come out.


-Tony Montanna or Toni Morrison?

*Tony Montanna is definitely an icon in his own right. Who can forget all the infamous lines? But Toni Morrison, is timeless. She wrote one of the greatest novels (Their Eyes Were Watching God) in under two months!! If you don't know, educate yourself.

-Cigarettes or Cigars?

*Cigars all day. Cigarettes just don't create the vibe that cigars do. Think about it: cigars give off that classy, suave, upstanding vibe. They have been said to represent the finer things in life; wealth, success, power. The process it takes to make a high quality cigar can metaphor life in some ways. It takes time, effort, hard work to accomplish something of great quality that you can be proud of. And they smell good! I don't hear anyone complimenting the smell of a Newport or a Virginia Slim.

-Kobe or LeBron?

*This one I find interesting...I'll leave this one open for discussion. Be sure to get at me in the comments!

-The beach or the mountains?

*The beach!!! OK- both present the opportunity for seclusion, being closer with nature and peace, but something about the beach just does it for me. Seeing the sun rise, hearing the waves crash, seeing how wide and never-ending the ocean is...wow. It does something to your spirit...bring a level of peace you can't find anywhere else. Where do I sign?

Got a few more, but I'll save that for another post...

*Sixty-eight: holla at me. Would love your input on a part 3...or a new line-up altogether.

-

Random

I had the urge to blog, but nothing in particular to write about. How's that for an oxymoron?

I think this is one of those times where I'm just going to write about random things I think about and wonder if anyone else does too. Here goes...

Why do people not use their turn signals correctly? They just drive, slow down, turn and expect us to know that's what they are going to do. That really irks me to no end.

Why do white people feel the need to hook up the only two black people they know?

I watched a young lady buy a $319 pair of jeans the other day. Would you?

Don't you hate it when you see someone, and you know they see you but try to act like they don't?

Does anyone besides me miss Inspector Gadget? Martin? New York Undercover?

Did anyone (besides me) eat Bonkers when they were a kid?? Man, I used to love those things!

Are you going green? It's all the rage right now.

It cost me $47 to fill up my Toyota Corolla last week. That's a problem.

Why is it that people often won't do in return what you are willing to do for them without question?

Did Jay & B really get married?

How come our audio is often not linked up with our video? (In other words, why do we say one thing and do another?)

Do you ever wonder if people speaking another language are really talking about you?

Charlie Murphy once said on an episode of Dave Chapelle, "even when slapping was fashionable..." Was slapping ever fashionable?

Do you love like it's never going to hurt...even when it does?

Growing Pains

Peace everyone.

In more ways than one, I can see the growth in myself since the beginning of '08. It's amazing how things in life change. That which used to seem so important becomes so trivial. The things I used to stress about I now look back on and laugh. As we mature, so do our actions, thoughts, and perspectives on life. We move away from the "little girl/boy" way of thinking and evolve into a new, more well-rounded version of our self It's funny; our personalities are pretty much developed and determined by the time we're 3 or 4. It's the way we allow the world to shape us that brings about change. To the core, we are who we are. We don't change. We simply create new behaviors to replace old ones. It's like being hooked on drugs---when you decide to quit, you've created a new behavior. For some, the old behavior never really gets replaced and they revert back. For others, the new behavior takes over and what was no longer has a place.

It's much the same with growth. When we allow ourselves to "grow up", we shy away from the things that we have been doing because they are comfortable or allowing others to make decisions for us. We begin to take ownership over our mistakes and (to take it a step further) recognize how that very decision may not have been the best thing. Not only that, but when we take the time to think how our actions will affect others (either before or after it has taken place)we create an opportunity for growth without really knowing it.

Many times, we may find ourselves in a position that leaves us wondering what to do next, or where do I go from here? It's in these moments, when we seek to find the answer and do, that we are truly growing. It's not until after the moment has passed and we look back do we see our accomplishments in 20/20. These are some of the most profound moments in our lives. Not only that, but when others notice it, the moment is that much sweeter.

Just a little tidbit from the things I learned during my blog hiatus :)

Be Blessed.

In My Mind

Peace everyone.

As an addendum to my previous post, I've decided to add this draft of a post that never made it to the light of day. Just a little insight to some of what I was experiencing during my time away. This post is titled "Is This the Way Love Feels?" All comments/thoughts/feedback welcome.

Is This the Way Love Feels?


Wow...I just looked at the date of my last post and it said Jan. 23rd. Way too long away; my apologies to those who stop by on occasion to check me out.


Now, on to business.


The title of this blog is actually the name of a song on Chrisette Michele's debut CD, "I Am." It describes my thoughts perfectly. Over the past 2 months or so, I've been on a roller coaster with things in my relationship. Somehow, it went from being healthy and fun, to too serious for words.

Literally.

Innocent conversations and questions prelude uncomfortable sighs and silences coupled with thoughts of "what's he thinking?", or "did I upset her?". Now, nothing is fair game without repercussions.


I'm a women; older (beyond 25), working on becoming established, refined (0r so I like to think), intelligent, and fairly easy on the eyes. As I have matured, so has my thought process. But are my thoughts ahead of the game? Am I taking things too seriously? When issues are put on the table, my head immediately begins to swim with questions. I have, on many occasions, been known to counter with a reply of ideas my SO "just hadn't thought about." Things that are are "not that serious" to him are "big deals to me". And because it is this way, now, there is no enjoyment in going out, spending time, savoring the moment(s). I was told that lately, good times weren't had by all when we hang. That it's a strain for us to enjoy ourselves without someone getting testy (is that how you spell it?) or topics of discussion turning too serious. It was brought to my attention that the quality time may not be sufficient enough and a few other things. And all this time, I thought I was doing something right.


Background: we've been together just under a year. My job requires me to give 100% all day, everyday, and his is the opposite. When I get off work, yes I'm tired, but not too tired to engage in conversation or enjoy dinner out. His day is quiet, seated, and low key. By the time he gets off, he's ready to hit the ground running. And while I'm not opposed to that, I just need some time when I am done working to disconnect from all the people, music, activity, and demands of my job. Am I tired? Hell yes. To tired to cuddle? Not at all.

So, my question is this: Are we wasting our time? Do we just cut our losses and say it was fun while it lasted?

Back from my most recent trip to rehab...

Peace everyone.

So....I'm back.

As I'm sure those who occasionally check my blog can see, it's been eons since my last post. I guess you could say I've been on... sabbatical? Hiatus? Vacation? Fill in the blank with your favorite word, but the long and short of it is I haven't been giving my blog the love it deserves.

Consider this my attempt at recovery from a bad relapse.

It's not that I haven't thought about blogging. Really, I have. At times, I think, who really wants to read what I have to say? But then I realized this is my therapy and I've skipped way to many sessions. This blog serves a purpose for me; a place to vent my thoughts, pose questions, and realize there are people going through just as I am.

Silly me for not taking better advantage.

Over the last few months ( I realized I haven't posted since January), I've been working like crazy, traveling, trying to diversify my portfolio (for you, B!) and many other things. I've had dealings with the SO that have caused me to take a good, hard look at myself and what I will and won't put up with. I've tried to stay true to my convictions, but at times found myself back in a place I said I'd never be again. Truth be told, I've had some downright discouraging moments. I've tried to make the best of them, but at the end of the day had to question how true I was being to myself.

It's amazing how certain outside factors can affect you. An alternative band named Incubus has a song titled "Drive" (you should check it out if you haven't heard it!) that talks about choices. The premise of the the song talks about letting fear drive our decisions and how that affects us. I can admittedly say that's been me over the last few months. But not just fear; uncertainty, doubt, and many other feelings have made their way into my life. And I allowed them to get the best of me. I could see it taking various forms in my life through my job, my relationship and issues with my family. In some cases, I was able to face it head on and come out victorious. In others, I'm not sure if I'm still fighting the battle or if I've already been defeated. Only time will tell. Thank the Man upstairs for grace and mercy, right?

As I'm sure my blog is rather vague about exactly what I've been going through recently, just know that it's been a somewhat tormented time. I'm a Scorpio and while there are many wonderful qualities that we posses, we are extremely emotional beings and are easily tormented by our own misgivings. I take extreme sensitivity to most things, and I analyze to death. Basically, I can be my own hurdle. When I get stuck in this space, it's hard for me to recover. On the outside I'm fine. But inside, I'm having a major internal struggle with myself about doing what will make me happy versus doing what will keep the peace or make others happy. Even though I could be miserable. It's sick I know, but it's me. Just another one of my addictions that gets the best of me at times.

Tonight, it was right in my spirit to post, so I did. And I feel really good now that I have. Stay tuned for more warped stories from inside the head of an addict.

Feels good to be back...

Tis Better to Have Loved and Lost...

Peace everyone.

A few nights ago, I dreamed that my SO married his ex.

I know, I know...random.

Why do I care? She's not I part of his life and has not been for quite some time now. We've been doing our thing for a minute.

I guess what troubled me the most about my dream is that they (my SO and his ex) looked very happy together. I was even happy for them! And...he was still trying to convince me that we could still have a "thing" when clearly, we couldn't. WTF? No way...I'm nobody's fool. He was steady trying to convince me otherwise. Not to mention it was before the ceremony was to start.

So...I'm reaching out to the blogfam to gather your thoughts and opinions on my dream. Feel free to invite your regulars; perhaps they would like to comment or add perspective.

"Tis better to have love and lost, than not have loved at all."

Is it?

Finally!

Lol...she's back!

It's been so long...and for that I owe my dedicated readers (or those who have nothing better to read) an apology. My last post was in '07 and we're well into '08. Seems as though I have some catching up to do.

So, what's the business?

I trust everyone had nice holidays and enjoyed time doing whatever it is you do. My holidays were spent below the Mason Dixon with family enjoying all the luxuries a Southern gurl turned Yankee can't get on the regular. Sweet tea, grits, homemade biscuits...let me stop before I get to excited.

After that, the SO had a work thing in FL, so we headed to Orlando for 5 days. Now, I was so excited to get to FL! What could be better than to get away from the cold Connecticut snow and gray days than 5 days in sunny FL? How about when we arrived, it was 32 degrees? WTF? I could have stayed home if I wanted the cold!! It was so cold, the locals were putting sheets over the foliage to keep it from freezing. We couldn't even go to a theme park it was so windy. And it stayed that way the entire time we were there. The only thing that made it worth while was the fact the sun was out; in New England, that's not a regular occurrence during the winter. That and of course, I was there with my SO and it was all "$FREE.99."

Since then, I've been a slave to my job. As mentioned in prior posts, I'm a fitness specialist for a big sports programming network. Right now, all of the "New Year's Resolutioners" are taking over! They want new fitness plans, measurements done, the works! Not that I mind; I love my job, but don't get it twisted. A sista is TIRED when she gets home. My extra labor is a direct result of me not having the energy to post over the last 2 weeks. Don't worry though; incidents have occurred lately which will prompt my fingers to grace the keypad more often over the next few days. I'll be seeking out thoughts and opinions from those of you who stop by regularly.

Whew...now that's more like it.

So...does this mean I'm forgiven?