Inhale...

2010 has arrived.

Where did 2009 go?

I've spent some time reflecting on last year. All the things I've experienced, decisions I've made, and most important, what's to come.

2009 met me with challenges head on. I daily looked at myself in the mirror and questioned who I was, what I was doing, and why. I haven't felt this much discomfort since 2005 when I decided to leave my comfort zone of family and friends to try my hand at the real world. Up until last year, I think I was doing pretty well. But just as the sun rises and sets, everything doesn't go as planned.

I made some choices that led to tears, questions, my self esteem being lower than low, and plenty of sleepless nights. It's amazing how things change for the good and the bad and you have no idea they will affect you the way they do. It took a long time for me to come to a place where I could see the faint light at the end of the tunnel. The saying "weeping endures for a night, but joy comes in the morning" is an understatement for me. There were days when I felt joy was a pipe dream. Only good people have joy. I believed I wasn't a good person.

But, time heals all wounds.

Don't get it twisted-I'm still licking a few and nursing some bruises. Only they are not as severe as they were. Time has helped me deal with myself. Time has reminded me that life goes on. Time has taught me that not everyone is going to love you, like you, or the things you do. Time has reminded me that at the end of the day, what counts is how you respond to your circumstances. Time (along with good friends, family, and wine) have helped me cope with my emotions. And believe me, they needed it.

So what's on tap for 2010? Who's to say? I'm a person who likes to plan; knowing allows me prep for any speed bumps. God is constantly reminding me that that is NOT my job. It's HIS. So I'm learning to take everything as it comes. When the moment is over, it's over. No need to dwell on it. Keep focusing on the prize and and allow my steps to be ordered. My 2010 will be about controlling what I can and allowing Him to to the rest.

A few thank yous are deserved. To Sid: Thank you for listening endlessly and without judgement. You, of all people know me inside and out. For supporting me. For loving me. You are my sister for life.

To my Adam: thank you for your countless hours of counseling and advice. Even through your own trials and tribulations you found it not robbery to be there for me and mine. All my love until we're called to rest.

To my sister from another mother: thank you for laughs, late nights filled with wine, Nurse Jackie, and True Blood. You were helping me heal without even knowing it.

Finally, to the Magnificent: for your patience and support and I am forever grateful. When I was discouraged, confused and sad you reminded me that this was just a hurdle in the game of life. You helped me laugh and smile when I didn't think I could. Your perspective and insight was so valuable. From start to finish...just you and me.

In the words of my BFF, "banging the gavel in 2010!"

Breathing may get easier yet....